Scatter My Ashes

Scatter My Ashes is a setting of five poems by the composer's sister, Sue Susman: Scatter My Ashes, The Night Tree, Even in the Dark, Only Clear Space Inside and, Eternal Light.

1. Scatter My Ashes

Scatter my ashes before I die.

Let me blow and fade

in the wind

over water

into nothing.

Watch me dissolve in air.

Scatter my old bones.

I am keeping the young ones

fresh, strong the blood circles

and weaves me into a whole piece

with long slender red thread

buried under my skin.

2. The Night Tree

In the distance in the dark

I talk hard to an old tree.

Winding round and round, I am

a flame curling upwards

and the tree welcomes me.

I don't have to have a reason to be here.

There is time enough to understand.

I don't have to explain.

My name is the sound of the wind blowing and

my spirit is as old.

Until the sky grows light, I will stay here

wound tightly to the tree and

listen to the way the dark feels.

The fire in my throat burns more quietly now.

I can hear the empty sound of dawn.

3. Even in the Dark

The forest breathes in and out as I sleep and curl

like a cat snuggled into a bigger sleeping body.

Even in the dark

I wake and see light from above,

the moon burning into black earth;

stars, glittering chips of glass

scatter in a strange design.

I keep my eyes open until morning.

4. Only Clear Space Inside

Take off the old wood and burn it.

I am leaving this part of me here.

And as I light the match

to start this fire, I feel the flames begin

to jump out of me.

I am burning myself up from the inside, and

this fire burns clean, leaves no ashes,

only clear space inside.

Now the wind picks up.

The flames grow higher.

There is no pain.

5. Eternal Light

Heart in the darkness

holding on to the light inside.

Inside there is a spark, a light that burns

and never goes out, never grows dim but

burns hard and bright

in the dark void of unending night,

the vast empty blackness of my self

where I can only hear the echo of my cavernous soul and

the simple cadence of my healthy heart

hurting and healing over and over

pumpong the life into my veins

pushing it through and around

so that I am always filled with it

so that I am always alive to the light

even when I am lost, cold and wandering

lonely in the dark.

Copyright material from Sue Susman reprinted with kind permission.

© 2009 Sue Susman